By Chase Kahn
I remember vividly playing "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" for the Playstation 2 back in the cold months of '03, but not even a heavenly dose of nostalgia could convince me to enjoy Mike Newell's Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Buena Vista, 05.28.10), which had its trailer debut a couple days ago -- Monday night, I believe.
The 2003 Ubisoft game was a critical and financial success (spawning several sequels) as a kind of platformer/puzzle/action game mold. Nobody played it for the story, nobody played it because the Prince was a great character, and thus, the film should be no different. Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney are tackling this thing, which means it should have all the wisdom and under-the-hood goodies of a Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.
Don't get me wrong, I dig Jake Gylenhaal with his weird British accent, but everything -- Ben Kinglsey, Alfred Molina, some really tan hot chick, the sepia tones, the camera wizardry, etc. -- just looks like a product of Michael Bay's long lost half-brother. Jerry Bruckheimer name means, "I want money, and I'm going to give you the most dim-witted, soft-served, down-easy crap I can put together for $150 million."