Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The End is Near

By Chase Kahn

I am not referring to the year 2012, when the Mayans and Roland Emmerich (among others) predict that the world will end, I'm of course referring to Stephen Sommers' G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra tomatometer, which -- although only 10 reviews in -- is at 80%. Think about that: Eight people actually liked it.

Don't run out to your local supermarket yet, though, stocking up on bottled water and canned tuna. Surely once the stuffy, shirt-and-slacks crowd gets a hold of it, the buzz will level off and the world will be right again. This is what happens when IGN, CHUD, JoBlo and Sommerskicksass.com are the only people to review a radioactive, smoldering-hot piece of garbage like G.I. Joe. I mean, otherwise what is there to these reports of Paramount turmoil and extremely low test screening scores?

Except some part of me hopes that this won't be the most notoriously terrible movie since The Love Guru -- if only for the sakes and careers of Sienna Miller and Channing Tatum, may god help them.

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